Make your own lake, let it flow

I can't believe it's already December! These past months have gone by in a whirlwind and soon, it'll be a new year. In just a few months, we have moved countries, gotten a dog, started up Andrea's business here, settling in. It hasn't always been easy, but I feel more and more that this is a good place to be right now. I feel ready to sit down and really think about what I'm going to do here. My work situation the last couple of years have been somewhat of a roller coaster. I studied at the university for almost six years, became a social worker and had a steady job working at a treatment center for children and families. It was a great job, fun colleagues, but I started to feel worn out after a couple of years. It was an incredibly intense place to work: long days, evenings, sometimes nights, weekends, holidays. I worked at the department where children came to stay without their parents, and needless to say, you get caught up in it. The job became my priority in life, and I started noticing that I had a hard time letting go of my work even when I wasn't working. After an especially difficult and emotional case, I felt I needed a change. 

I decided to move to Berlin for a few months and to return to Sweden and my job when I felt ready. I didn't know anyone in Berlin but quickly found a flat, a language class and met some amazing people. After two months, love hit me like a bomb. I met Andrea on the day I was moving out of the flat I was sharing with his Italian friend. It was instant attraction and I somehow mustered up the courage to ask if he wanted to grab a beer with me. The days leading up to our first date, all I could think about was those huge, blue eyes. We spent an unforgettable evening together, sneaking in to a club, dancing and flirting and ever since, it has been him and me.

Alright, so Andrea was in my life and there was no way I could ever go back to Sweden without him, being crazy in love and all. I started looking for a job and found an international school outside of Berlin. I got a job as a teaching assistant and stayed there for the entire school year. I didn't like it much. It was a school for the elite: wealthy kids and very demanding parents. Co-workers who barely knew your name (one of them called me Carmen for a year. Seriously? Carmen?) and a long commute every day. At the same time, Andrea and I were looking for a flat together. I had to move out of the flat I was living in and moved in with him in his tiny, tiny room in a flat that he shared with 6 other people. Anyways. After 6 months, I got to work with an amazing teacher and her group of 5-year olds, which was a lot of fun. She, however, decided to go back to the U.S and I found myself realizing that I would either have to stay and work in a group where I didn't want to be, or find myself another job. I managed to get an interview at another school, in the heart of Mitte, and loved it from the first second. The school was dynamic, the kids great, the location fantastic and the co-workers and my bosses the greatest people ever. It was with a very heavy heart I resigned, letting them know that I'd decided to move to Italy. I still miss my co-workers and my kids so, so much and I'm really looking forward to eventually going back to see them all.

All this leads us up to here. I've been wanting more time to focus on sewing and doing other creative things, and when we moved here, the plan was for me to have a few months off to be able to do this. Now I feel that it is time for me to take the next step. I want to to find a job or something to do that will give us some financial relief, but I also want to keep creating. Me and Andrea have so many plans and projects that we want to realize, but it all takes more money than we have. I know for certain that I, at least for now, have no desire to go back to being a social worker. This might not be forever, but as for now, I feel that I need to get my hands dirty, I want to be a part of something creative and exciting, to meet people who inspire me and push me to learn and get better. I don't regret getting my degree, but looking back, I can see that I was young and idealistic and even though I truly believed that social work was the one and only thing I would ever want to do, things can change. Sometimes I get a bit blue thinking about the career I gave up, especially when I talk to my Swedish friends who all have great jobs, money in the bank, a future that is way clearer than mine and some sort of security. At the same time, I have this. I have the freedom and the sudden opportunity to think about what I really want. Sure, I'm as broke as a church rat, but this is my chance to figure out what I want to do with my life.

With the new year around the corner, I need to be making steps in the right direction. I have a small lead on something that could be very exciting, and even though just the thought of applying makes me extremely nervous, I need to do it. I don't have the right degree for any sort of creative job, but if you never try you'll never know, right? With that said, today I will be working on my C.V.

Have a lovely Friday! Pin It